What you're gonna do
You ain't no friend of mine
Look what you've put me through
Now that I'm the blue gangsta

What you're gonna do
You ain't no friend of mine


What you're gonna do, cause I'm gonna get you
No where to run no where to hide
All the things you've said, everything you've done to me
You can no longer make me cry


Look what you've done to me,
I can no longer smile,
And I've waited so long, just to carry on

What you're gonna do
You ain't no friend of mine
Look what you've put me through
I could never fall in Love

Don't know what I've done, everything you've got
Things you've done to me, are coming back to you
You know just what I've done, the things you've done to me

See, I am so amused to the things you've said
And the things you have done to me
There is nothing in this world make me change....

You know, I really wouldn't mind to never ever see you again.

Agreements made seem to blow into thin air and all words you say mean nothing to me. Just as my words, my cries for help seem nothing to you.

I just wished it would be different, cause I once felt the most amazing feeling towards you, and nothing could make me happier then to be with you. But you're really pushing me further and further away from you. But that's clearly the way you want to see it, so that's the way you're going to get it. There's absolutely no time to make to have a listen to me, to understand what I'm feeling. You're just too busy in your own damn self-absorbed world. I really do hope you enjoy that.

Quidem mihi id hendrerit euismod, causam cognoscimus, me carebitis

Cum quisque deserit inveneris et cupio, unum concessit quicquid tu volebas nulla queritur.

Crede!! Amavi, tantum. Sed praeteriit jam.....

Sorry possum facere hoc non amplius...

Your love is nothing I can't fight,
Can't sleep with the man who dims my shine.

I'm in the bedroom,
With tissues and when,
I know you're outside banging then I won't let you in.
'Cause it's a hard life, with love in the world,
And I'm a hard girl,
Loving me is like chewing on pearls.


You've got me wandering why I,
I like it rough

Need a man who likes it rough.

Is it because you don't mean it?
Or because I don't feel it?
Yes it's rough.

We all know that we suppose to believe in fairytales.. Just to keep your deepest desires and fantasies alive. "What can happen there, can happen here too." In the end, you never know..

But after all, they are and stay surreal. Just like reallife sometimes. Tho, the only thing I still wish for everytime, is that after bad and dark times, just like in those fairytales, there always be a happy end. Which my reallife always fails to provide me.

After this horrendous time I have to go through... this is where you have to beat me down with. Like you knew all along. Why did you even tried to make this look like something that would lead into a happy ending, while you knew that you would do this to me.

I just don't know why I have to go through things like this every single time. Why do people have to abandon me the way they always seem to do When does this ever end... Even when I do so much to make things right.

I fucking fight so damn hard to keep my mind on good things in life. But the bravery upagainst everything, seeps away every single time my life puts me in positions like this.

How am I suppose to keep fighting when there's nothing left to fight for. How am I to change the world, if the world doesn't change for me too.

-When you work you get paid, if you work even harder, you get paid even more. But for the hard, heartaching work I do, I get nothing, just pain and tears.-

When you say that I have to keep believing and if my heart really wants something and you keep believing, that'll become reality. Well, then I ask you... HOW MUCH MORE DO I HAVE TO WANT THIS?!

There's nothing in the world that I want more. Some fun, some things to keep you feeling alive. What makes life worth living for.. But it seems somehow that life only wants me to lose faith and hope, so it can beat me down easily. So sickness can take over my body, so I'll finally give up and give in, so death can take me away from this misery.

When my brother says "Death is a gift" there's nothing more I can add to it. I agree with him and I just wish that gift is what is not to be delayed. I wish for it, I long for it. I don't want to feel this agony anymore.. The agony for everyday life, of knowing that I have to spend my life without things that would at least make the endless-road a little less endless. But that's just not what life grants me, so it seems.

Of course I have to learn from things like this, which I probably didn't do enough yet. Otherwise I wouldn't have to go through this over and over. But does that mean that I just have to sattle with the fact that I'm just not worth having fun?

I wish that something would just come my way some time and would be a fairytale coming true for me.. just for once.. But I guess I had my time already and have to live in suffering the rest of the path.

The heart sinks into my shoes, every single time you beat me down. And even if I'm face down already, you keep kicking.. defenseless I stay behind, grawling up again, waiting to get beaten down again some time soon.

Thank you.

Whahahaha hear this; Girl walking to the mailbox at 2 am. No-one on the street exept for the girl and a car with 3 policemen. Girl gets orders to "hold it right there!", girl stops, runs around and walks towards the police car. "Why are you on the street at this hour?" Policemen asks. "I was posting 2 cards to friends over in America..That something wrong?" the girl replies. "What was so important that it couldn't wait till the morning?" Policemen asks. "Someone that was in much need of L.O.V.E.. And that just can't wait, mister.." the girl replies again to the kinda awkward questions the officer asks her. "And that you need to post in the middle of the night?" Again the police-officer asks. "I just needed to do this, was just finished with the necklace I made my friend. And since I was still awake and was having a smoke, which I have to take outside anyways; I made it into a walk to the mailbox." the girl answers a little more detailed. "Oh.... that's very nice of you then.." the policemen replies a little touched by what he just heard. "I'm trying my best.." The girl replies, softly spoken. "Well, are you on your way home now?" the officer asks, this time a little concerned. "Yup, I'm living over there, so just enough time walking to finish my smoke." The girl answers with a smile. "Good, then have yourself a good night, sweetheart." the officer says kindly. "Same to you, men!" the girl smiles and walks her way home....



Let me tell you... that girl is me and this just happend to me hahaha

RIP lieve Piet....
We zullen je missen.

Ik wens mijn lieve schoonzusje heel erg veel sterkte toe, met het verlies van haar grote, kleine vriendinnetje.

Slaap zacht meishje...

Heb je een daggie iemand op bezoek, toch ja toch.....

ALLES wat je hoort is zuchten en klagen... Over het weer, de mensen, de stad, der voeten, der dit en dat.... ALLEEEEEN maar klagen.....

Ja zal het verdomme maar zo zwaar hebben... tering......

Gelukkig zometeen broertje lief op bezoek... eindelijk wat normaals in huis.. morgen naar Karin... dat word helemaal een "in-je-broek-zeik"-verhaal... ik geloof dat ze doormiddel van de KEIHARDE hardcore hier nooit meer wil komen.. Ik zeg.. missie volbracht.

Als we morgen opweg gaan naar Karin... wat minimaal 45 minutes duurt... geloof mama, die hardcore gaat beuken en rossen, tot we er zijn... ze gaat gillend naar huis.

Ik kan hier niet meer tegen....... NU al niet meer................................


Ikmoetgeneuktwordenenhard..........

It drew that you, may never ever have that chance again...

She gave up her life to follow her dreams. She wanted Hollywood, she wanted it bad..

Too bad, Hollywood... it's got you jumping like you should, it's got you bouching off the wall.. It's got you drunk enough to fall.. Too bad.. Hollywood, just take a look in the mirror and tell me, do you like what you see??

You're just a monster. Too bad.

You're giving your all, they're watching you fall... And they eat your soul....

Going for the 30 pages tonight. Back to work. She wants Hollywood, she wants it BAD!

Put you out of my thoughts... By writing sexual flavored stories I hope to find something better. But there's nothing is this world that doesn't remind me of you...

Tho, it helps to get my second book to get a form and that's a good thing, cause I'm craving for another succes...

Something that I and only I have in hands. I try to give my all, just like I gave you. But that just not seems to work. Holding back is not an option either. I want you and there's no denying to it.

Who cares? Well, I do.. Too bad for me I think, cause no-one else does.

Hmm.. getting back to tea and sleepless nights. Waiting for you to ever want me back.

"this" week right... You probably meant this week over a year

Pffff... this is over...