dinsdag 13 april 2010 om 04:26
I wanted to change the world, so I got up one morning and looked in the mirror. That one looking back said, "There is not much time left. The earth is wracked with pain. Children are starving. Nations remain divided by mistrust and hatred. Everywhere the air and water have been fouled almost beyond help. Do something!"
That one in the mirror felt very angry and desperate. Everything looked like a mess, a tragedy, a disaster. I decided he must be right. Didn't I feel terrible about these things, too, just like him? The planet was being used up and thrown away. Imagining earthly life just one generation from now made me feel panicky.
It was not hard to find the good people who wanted to solve the earth's problems. As I listened to their solutions, I thought, "There is so much good will here, so much concern." At night before going to bed, that one in the mirror looked back at me seriously, "Now we'll get somewhere," he declared. "If everybody does their part."
But everybody didn't do their part. Some did, but were they stopping the tide? Were pain, starvation, hatred, and pollution about to be solved? Wishing wouldn't make it so -- I knew that. When I woke up the next morning, that one in the mirror looked confused. "Maybe it's hopeless," he whispered.. Then a sly look came into his eyes, and he shrugged. "But you and I will survive. At least we are doing all right."
I felt strange when he said that. There was something very wrong here. A faint suspicion came to me, one that had never dawned so clearly before. What if that one in the mirror isn't me? He feels separate. He sees problems "out there" to be solved. Maybe they will be, maybe they won't. He'll get along. But I don't feel that way -- those problems aren't "out there," not really. I feel them inside me. A child crying in Ethiopia, a sea gull struggling pathetically in an oil spill, a mountain gorilla being mercilessly hunted, a teenage soldier trembling with terror when he hears the planes fly over : Aren't these happening in me when I see and hear about them?
The next time I looked in the mirror, that one looking back had started to fade. It was only an image after all. It showed me a solitary person enclosed in a neat package of skin and bones. "Did I once think you were me?" I began to wonder. I am not so separate and afraid. The pain of life touches me, but the joy of life is so much stronger. And it alone will heal. Life is the healer of life, and the most I can do for the earth is to be its loving child.
That one in the mirror winced and squirmed. He hadn't thought so much about love. Seeing "problems" was much easier, because love means complete self-honesty. Ouch!
"Oh, friend," I whispered to him, "do you think anything can solve problems without love?" That one in the mirror wasn't sure. Being alone for so long, not trusting others and being trusted by others, it tended to detach itself from the reality of life. "Is love more real than pain?" he asked.
"I can't promise that it is. But it might be. Let's discover," I said. I touched the mirror with a grin. "Let's not be alone again. Will you be my partner? I hear a dance starting up. Come." That one in the mirror smiled shyly. He was realizing we could be best friends. We could be more peaceful, more loving, more honest with each other every day.
Would that change the world? I think it will, because Mother Earth wants us to be happy and to love her as we tend her needs. She needs fearless people on her side, whose courage comes from being part of her, like a baby who is brave enough to walk because Mother is holding out her arms to catch him. When that one in the mirror is full of love for me and for him, there is no room for fear. When we were afraid and panicky, we stopped loving this life of ours and this earth. We disconnected. Yet how can anybody rush to help the earth if they feel disconnected? Perhaps the earth is telling us what she wants, and by not listening, we fall back on our own fear and panic.
One thing I know : I never feel alone when I am earth's child. I do not have to cling to my personal survival as long as I realize, day by day, that all of life is in me. The children and their pain; the children and their joy. The ocean swelling under the sun; the ocean weeping with black oil. The animals hunted in fear; the animals bursting with the sheer joy of being alive.
This sense of "the world in me" is how I always want to feel. That one in the mirror has his doubts sometimes. So I am tender with him. Every morning I touch the mirror and whisper, "Oh, friend, I hear a dance. Will you be my partner? Come."
That one in the mirror felt very angry and desperate. Everything looked like a mess, a tragedy, a disaster. I decided he must be right. Didn't I feel terrible about these things, too, just like him? The planet was being used up and thrown away. Imagining earthly life just one generation from now made me feel panicky.
It was not hard to find the good people who wanted to solve the earth's problems. As I listened to their solutions, I thought, "There is so much good will here, so much concern." At night before going to bed, that one in the mirror looked back at me seriously, "Now we'll get somewhere," he declared. "If everybody does their part."
But everybody didn't do their part. Some did, but were they stopping the tide? Were pain, starvation, hatred, and pollution about to be solved? Wishing wouldn't make it so -- I knew that. When I woke up the next morning, that one in the mirror looked confused. "Maybe it's hopeless," he whispered.. Then a sly look came into his eyes, and he shrugged. "But you and I will survive. At least we are doing all right."
I felt strange when he said that. There was something very wrong here. A faint suspicion came to me, one that had never dawned so clearly before. What if that one in the mirror isn't me? He feels separate. He sees problems "out there" to be solved. Maybe they will be, maybe they won't. He'll get along. But I don't feel that way -- those problems aren't "out there," not really. I feel them inside me. A child crying in Ethiopia, a sea gull struggling pathetically in an oil spill, a mountain gorilla being mercilessly hunted, a teenage soldier trembling with terror when he hears the planes fly over : Aren't these happening in me when I see and hear about them?
The next time I looked in the mirror, that one looking back had started to fade. It was only an image after all. It showed me a solitary person enclosed in a neat package of skin and bones. "Did I once think you were me?" I began to wonder. I am not so separate and afraid. The pain of life touches me, but the joy of life is so much stronger. And it alone will heal. Life is the healer of life, and the most I can do for the earth is to be its loving child.
That one in the mirror winced and squirmed. He hadn't thought so much about love. Seeing "problems" was much easier, because love means complete self-honesty. Ouch!
"Oh, friend," I whispered to him, "do you think anything can solve problems without love?" That one in the mirror wasn't sure. Being alone for so long, not trusting others and being trusted by others, it tended to detach itself from the reality of life. "Is love more real than pain?" he asked.
"I can't promise that it is. But it might be. Let's discover," I said. I touched the mirror with a grin. "Let's not be alone again. Will you be my partner? I hear a dance starting up. Come." That one in the mirror smiled shyly. He was realizing we could be best friends. We could be more peaceful, more loving, more honest with each other every day.
Would that change the world? I think it will, because Mother Earth wants us to be happy and to love her as we tend her needs. She needs fearless people on her side, whose courage comes from being part of her, like a baby who is brave enough to walk because Mother is holding out her arms to catch him. When that one in the mirror is full of love for me and for him, there is no room for fear. When we were afraid and panicky, we stopped loving this life of ours and this earth. We disconnected. Yet how can anybody rush to help the earth if they feel disconnected? Perhaps the earth is telling us what she wants, and by not listening, we fall back on our own fear and panic.
One thing I know : I never feel alone when I am earth's child. I do not have to cling to my personal survival as long as I realize, day by day, that all of life is in me. The children and their pain; the children and their joy. The ocean swelling under the sun; the ocean weeping with black oil. The animals hunted in fear; the animals bursting with the sheer joy of being alive.
This sense of "the world in me" is how I always want to feel. That one in the mirror has his doubts sometimes. So I am tender with him. Every morning I touch the mirror and whisper, "Oh, friend, I hear a dance. Will you be my partner? Come."
donderdag 8 april 2010 om 21:00
I got it bad,
You don't know how bad I got it.
You got it easy,
You don't know when you got it good.
It's getting harder,
Just keeping life and soul together.
I'm sick of fighting,
Even though I know I should.
The cold is biting,
Through each and every nerve and fibre.
My broken spirit is frozen to the core.
Don't wanna be here no more.
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
Even if it was for just one day?
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
You must be joking,
You don't know a thing about it.
You've got no problem,
I'd stay right there if it were you.
I got it harder,
You couldn't dream how hard it got it.
Stay out of my shoes,
If you know what's good for you.
The heat is stifling,
Burning me up from the inside.
The sweat is dripping from each and every pore.
Don't wanna be here no more,
Don't wanna be here no more.
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
Even if it was for just one day?
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side?
The grass is always greener over there.
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care?
Without a care.
+
There's a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Though we won't ever meet I'll remember your name
Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don't think I can
So fuck you anyway
You are scum
You are scum
And I hope that you know
That the cracks in your smile are beginning to show
Now the world needs to see that it's time you should go
There's no light in your eyes and your brain is too slow
Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don't think I can
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
Bet you sleep like a child with your thumb in your mouth
I could creep up beside, put a gun in your mouth
Makes me sick when I hear all the shit that you say
So much crap coming out, it must take you all day
There's a space kept in hell with your name on the seat
With a spike in the chair just to make it complete
When you look at yourself do you see what I see?
If you do, why the fuck are you looking at me?
Why the fuck are you looking at me?
Why the fuck
Why the fuck are you looking at me?
There's a time for us all and I think yours has been
Can you please hurry up, 'cause I find you obscene
I can't wait for the day that you're never around
When that face isn't here and you rot underground
Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don't think I can
So fuck you anyway
You don't know how bad I got it.
You got it easy,
You don't know when you got it good.
It's getting harder,
Just keeping life and soul together.
I'm sick of fighting,
Even though I know I should.
The cold is biting,
Through each and every nerve and fibre.
My broken spirit is frozen to the core.
Don't wanna be here no more.
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
Even if it was for just one day?
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
You must be joking,
You don't know a thing about it.
You've got no problem,
I'd stay right there if it were you.
I got it harder,
You couldn't dream how hard it got it.
Stay out of my shoes,
If you know what's good for you.
The heat is stifling,
Burning me up from the inside.
The sweat is dripping from each and every pore.
Don't wanna be here no more,
Don't wanna be here no more.
Wouldn't it be good to be in your shoes,
Even if it was for just one day?
Wouldn't it be good if we could wish ourselves away?
Wouldn't it be good to be on your side?
The grass is always greener over there.
Wouldn't it be good if we could live without a care?
Without a care.
+
There's a look on your face I would like to knock out
See the sin in your grin and the shape of your mouth
All I want is to see you in terrible pain
Though we won't ever meet I'll remember your name
Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don't think I can
So fuck you anyway
You are scum
You are scum
And I hope that you know
That the cracks in your smile are beginning to show
Now the world needs to see that it's time you should go
There's no light in your eyes and your brain is too slow
Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don't think I can
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
So fuck you anyway
Bet you sleep like a child with your thumb in your mouth
I could creep up beside, put a gun in your mouth
Makes me sick when I hear all the shit that you say
So much crap coming out, it must take you all day
There's a space kept in hell with your name on the seat
With a spike in the chair just to make it complete
When you look at yourself do you see what I see?
If you do, why the fuck are you looking at me?
Why the fuck are you looking at me?
Why the fuck
Why the fuck are you looking at me?
There's a time for us all and I think yours has been
Can you please hurry up, 'cause I find you obscene
I can't wait for the day that you're never around
When that face isn't here and you rot underground
Can't believe you were once just like anyone else
Then you grew and became like the devil himself
Pray to God I can think of a kind thing to say
But I don't think I can
So fuck you anyway
dinsdag 6 april 2010 om 01:10
Leave me dreaming on the bed
See you right back here tomorrow for the next round
Keep this scene inside your head
As the bruises turn to yellow
The swelling goes down
And if you're ever around
In the city or the suburbs of this town
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in sorrow
Wearing a frown
Like Pierrot the Clown
Saw you crashing round the bay
Never seen you act so shallow
Or look so brown
Remember all the things you'd say
How your promises rang hollow
As you threw me to the ground
And if you're ever around
In the backstreets or the alleys of this town
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in pity
And wearing a frown
Like Pierrot the Clown
When I dream I dream of your lips
When I dream I dream of your kiss
When I dream I dream of your fists
Your fists... Your fists
Leave me bleeding on the bed
See you right back here tomorrow for the next round
Keep this scene inside your head
As the bruises turn to yellow
The swelling goes down
And if you're ever around
In the city or the suburbs of this town
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in sorrow
And wearing a frown
Like Pierrot the Clown
See you right back here tomorrow for the next round
Keep this scene inside your head
As the bruises turn to yellow
The swelling goes down
And if you're ever around
In the city or the suburbs of this town
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in sorrow
Wearing a frown
Like Pierrot the Clown
Saw you crashing round the bay
Never seen you act so shallow
Or look so brown
Remember all the things you'd say
How your promises rang hollow
As you threw me to the ground
And if you're ever around
In the backstreets or the alleys of this town
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in pity
And wearing a frown
Like Pierrot the Clown
When I dream I dream of your lips
When I dream I dream of your kiss
When I dream I dream of your fists
Your fists... Your fists
Leave me bleeding on the bed
See you right back here tomorrow for the next round
Keep this scene inside your head
As the bruises turn to yellow
The swelling goes down
And if you're ever around
In the city or the suburbs of this town
Be sure to come around
I'll be wallowing in sorrow
And wearing a frown
Like Pierrot the Clown
maandag 5 april 2010 om 19:22
Pain grows each day I don't hear your voice...
He always takes it with a heart of stone
'Cause all he does is throws it back to me
I've spent a lifetime looking for someone
Don't try to understand me
Just simply do the things I say
Love is a feeling
Give it when I want it
'Cause I'm on fire
Quench my desire
Give it when I want it
Talk to me, man
Give in to me
Give in to me
You always knew just how to make me cry
And never did I ask you questions why
It seems you get your kicks from hurting me
Don't try to understand me
Because your words just aren't enough
Love is a feeling
Quench my desire
Give it when I want it
Takin' me higher
Love is a man
I don't wanna hear it
Give in to me
Give in to me
I don't want to get you throwin' around
But it's OK
And it's OK
Things are changing, been running down
And it's alright
And I, Imma live my life alone
Don't try to tell me
Because your words just aren't enough
Love is a feeling
Quench my desire
Give it when I want it
Takin' me higher
Talk to me, man
Love is a feeling
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
Love is a Feeling
I don't wanna hear it
Quench my desire
Takin' me higher
Tell it to the preacher
Satisfy the feeling
Give in to me
Give in to me
I don't wanna
I don't wanna
I don't wanna hear
Give in to the fire
Talk to me, man
Quench my desire
Not like a man
Talk to me, Baby
Give in to me
Give in to the fire
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
Love is a man
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
'Cause I'm on fire
Talk to me, man
Quench my desire
Give in to the feeling
He always takes it with a heart of stone
'Cause all he does is throws it back to me
I've spent a lifetime looking for someone
Don't try to understand me
Just simply do the things I say
Love is a feeling
Give it when I want it
'Cause I'm on fire
Quench my desire
Give it when I want it
Talk to me, man
Give in to me
Give in to me
You always knew just how to make me cry
And never did I ask you questions why
It seems you get your kicks from hurting me
Don't try to understand me
Because your words just aren't enough
Love is a feeling
Quench my desire
Give it when I want it
Takin' me higher
Love is a man
I don't wanna hear it
Give in to me
Give in to me
I don't want to get you throwin' around
But it's OK
And it's OK
Things are changing, been running down
And it's alright
And I, Imma live my life alone
Don't try to tell me
Because your words just aren't enough
Love is a feeling
Quench my desire
Give it when I want it
Takin' me higher
Talk to me, man
Love is a feeling
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
Love is a Feeling
I don't wanna hear it
Quench my desire
Takin' me higher
Tell it to the preacher
Satisfy the feeling
Give in to me
Give in to me
I don't wanna
I don't wanna
I don't wanna hear
Give in to the fire
Talk to me, man
Quench my desire
Not like a man
Talk to me, Baby
Give in to me
Give in to the fire
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
Love is a man
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
Give in to me
'Cause I'm on fire
Talk to me, man
Quench my desire
Give in to the feeling
zaterdag 3 april 2010 om 16:02
I'm feeling lost.
Everything in me died yesterday.
The hope the I was learning to trust people again, broke into pieces yesterday. And I don't feel I can ever open up again.
The moment we stepped into the pub, I felt hated and wished away.
You don't even know why I had arranged this for you.
Well, I'll explain.
A few weeks ago, you mentioned that you wanted to see S&M again soon. To have a chat with them under the pleasure of a glass of beer. With everything that was going on with you and your busy schadule of running away from the shit in your life, till yesterday, you haven't seen them.
Which made me think; if I could bring them to you, that would be cool, right? That's why i ASKED you if you would like it if we'd come to you. You'd let me know you liked that idea and so I asked S&M to do so. At first they didn't want to go cause of some bad memories but after a while they decided to go anyways, for you. I was all happy cause I hoped that I could do this for you.
But the moment I stepped into the pub, I just felt so extremely unwanted. With great difficulty a "Hi" came from your lips. No hug, no smile, just the unbelievable nasty look on your face.
I saw that you were ordering drinks and asked me if I'd wanted something and I said "yes". It was my plan to pay for the drinks that night cause I had a godsend. And so as I am, I wanted to share that with you and some others that've been nothing but nice to me lately. So I pushed 20 euro's in your hands.
Later you wanted to give te money back to me, but I didn't want it. With a little "yes" and "no" game, you took the money and continued with pulling that "you are unwanted"-face towards me.
-I know my place in places where are lots of people. I watch what I do to not "hang around you" too much. To avoid rumours. To not make this even more difficult as it already is.
But you could've act a little more like your speaking-
I kept myself in the shadow of all the sociability and some times I got a stabbing pain in my lower belly. Time for me to sitdown. But no barstool to sit on so I planted my ass on the edge under the bar. Had lots of fun from where I was and I was happy to see you were talking with S cause you didn't see her for a long time. Besides the fact that I still really didn't understand what the fuck I did wrong to be treated the way you'd treat me.
When you guys left to eat something, S&M and me agreed to wait in the pub. But after a while S suggested to walk your way and maybe find another pub to spend the night. I agreed and we left. We walked walked walked. And after asolute sure, an hour of walking, I started to feel extreme pain in my abdomen.
We decided to stop by the nearest pub to sit there and for me to take a rest. But at the moment we were there, we instandly left again. Without even a word.
I felt so left out. So hurt and so ignored. I was in so much pain and only the one I knew least, was the most concerned and helpful. My pain only got worse by walking and I wanted to ask if we could go back, but no one but J heard me. And he told me that you guys were pretty sick-acting against me, for all that matters what "friends" stand for. That, in combination with the growing pains, made me tear up.
No I didn't want to go home, but I wanted to sit some place warm and enjoy. Not walking around in the middle of the night without purpose and pain that's awakend by movement.
I got so angry from the pain that I had to feel. From being bashed by folks that claim to be your friends. And "will be there for you", "care about you". Everything. A lie.
I didn't want to go home, cause I wanted to let you people have your fun and chats. I wanted to sit some place warm. Cause that would have make the pain go down and let me have fun aswell.
So everything I did yesterday was to get you to see your friends again.
And everything I got was the extreme feeling of being hated once again.
And now I ask myself, was it worth it?
No, it wasn't.
Did we learn from it?
Yes, alot.
Which is; Words that been said have no meaning. Words remain words. And the feeling, even te smallest feeling the words brought, are not true. It was worth it to again remember why I don't have much friends.
Everything in me died yesterday.
The hope the I was learning to trust people again, broke into pieces yesterday. And I don't feel I can ever open up again.
The moment we stepped into the pub, I felt hated and wished away.
You don't even know why I had arranged this for you.
Well, I'll explain.
A few weeks ago, you mentioned that you wanted to see S&M again soon. To have a chat with them under the pleasure of a glass of beer. With everything that was going on with you and your busy schadule of running away from the shit in your life, till yesterday, you haven't seen them.
Which made me think; if I could bring them to you, that would be cool, right? That's why i ASKED you if you would like it if we'd come to you. You'd let me know you liked that idea and so I asked S&M to do so. At first they didn't want to go cause of some bad memories but after a while they decided to go anyways, for you. I was all happy cause I hoped that I could do this for you.
But the moment I stepped into the pub, I just felt so extremely unwanted. With great difficulty a "Hi" came from your lips. No hug, no smile, just the unbelievable nasty look on your face.
I saw that you were ordering drinks and asked me if I'd wanted something and I said "yes". It was my plan to pay for the drinks that night cause I had a godsend. And so as I am, I wanted to share that with you and some others that've been nothing but nice to me lately. So I pushed 20 euro's in your hands.
Later you wanted to give te money back to me, but I didn't want it. With a little "yes" and "no" game, you took the money and continued with pulling that "you are unwanted"-face towards me.
-I know my place in places where are lots of people. I watch what I do to not "hang around you" too much. To avoid rumours. To not make this even more difficult as it already is.
But you could've act a little more like your speaking-
I kept myself in the shadow of all the sociability and some times I got a stabbing pain in my lower belly. Time for me to sitdown. But no barstool to sit on so I planted my ass on the edge under the bar. Had lots of fun from where I was and I was happy to see you were talking with S cause you didn't see her for a long time. Besides the fact that I still really didn't understand what the fuck I did wrong to be treated the way you'd treat me.
When you guys left to eat something, S&M and me agreed to wait in the pub. But after a while S suggested to walk your way and maybe find another pub to spend the night. I agreed and we left. We walked walked walked. And after asolute sure, an hour of walking, I started to feel extreme pain in my abdomen.
We decided to stop by the nearest pub to sit there and for me to take a rest. But at the moment we were there, we instandly left again. Without even a word.
I felt so left out. So hurt and so ignored. I was in so much pain and only the one I knew least, was the most concerned and helpful. My pain only got worse by walking and I wanted to ask if we could go back, but no one but J heard me. And he told me that you guys were pretty sick-acting against me, for all that matters what "friends" stand for. That, in combination with the growing pains, made me tear up.
No I didn't want to go home, but I wanted to sit some place warm and enjoy. Not walking around in the middle of the night without purpose and pain that's awakend by movement.
I got so angry from the pain that I had to feel. From being bashed by folks that claim to be your friends. And "will be there for you", "care about you". Everything. A lie.
I didn't want to go home, cause I wanted to let you people have your fun and chats. I wanted to sit some place warm. Cause that would have make the pain go down and let me have fun aswell.
So everything I did yesterday was to get you to see your friends again.
And everything I got was the extreme feeling of being hated once again.
And now I ask myself, was it worth it?
No, it wasn't.
Did we learn from it?
Yes, alot.
Which is; Words that been said have no meaning. Words remain words. And the feeling, even te smallest feeling the words brought, are not true. It was worth it to again remember why I don't have much friends.
zaterdag 3 april 2010 om 05:13
Why do people need to play with other peoples feelings. Why do they act the way they do.
Forget about yourself, forget all you stand for.
Everything is made to be broken.
Tonight everything will be destroyed.
Note to myself: Keep your head up and pretend it doesn't hurt. Never give in.
Well; Totall fail. I failed to manage my feeling, cause it id hurt me. And I'm 100% to pieces.
How could you? After all we talked about? After all your comforting words.
I was in pain damnit. I couldn't help shit but you simply ignored me. You aren't there for me. You used me. You abused me. For your own good. And look who's broken again.
"I'll talk to you later" where your last words. And probably the last you'll ever speak to me again.
It was too wonderful to be true.
Forget about yourself, forget all you stand for.
Everything is made to be broken.
Tonight everything will be destroyed.
Note to myself: Keep your head up and pretend it doesn't hurt. Never give in.
Well; Totall fail. I failed to manage my feeling, cause it id hurt me. And I'm 100% to pieces.
How could you? After all we talked about? After all your comforting words.
I was in pain damnit. I couldn't help shit but you simply ignored me. You aren't there for me. You used me. You abused me. For your own good. And look who's broken again.
"I'll talk to you later" where your last words. And probably the last you'll ever speak to me again.
It was too wonderful to be true.
vrijdag 2 april 2010 om 08:06
I'm a tightrope walker
I can't find my circus
And I'm damaged beyond repair
You're just a coffin
Of a girl I knew
And I'm buried in you
Sometimes I dream I'm an exterminating angel
A travelling executioner from heaven
Sent to give you the prettiest death I know
Call the grave and make our reservations
Why is my wound a front door to you?
Am I my own shadow?
If you can hear this don't assume that I'm talking to you
Yesterday everything I thought, I believed in died
I don't need you, I'll say it to myself
It doesn't mean I won't need somebody
Anyone with half a soul will hear this and they'll never leave me
This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in
And I can get by now, I'm not really dead
But I really needed someone to save me
Leaving me alone to die
Is worse than having any guts to kill me
And I'll love you if you let me
My pain's not ashamed to repeat itself
It's not like I made myself a list,
Of new and different ways to murder your heart.
I'm just painting that's still wet,
If you touch me, I'll be smeared
You'll be stained,
Stained for the rest of your life
So turn around, walk away,
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other.
If you're not afraid of getting hurt,
Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you.
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself,
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul,
You thought it was a smile.
I can't find my circus
And I'm damaged beyond repair
You're just a coffin
Of a girl I knew
And I'm buried in you
Sometimes I dream I'm an exterminating angel
A travelling executioner from heaven
Sent to give you the prettiest death I know
Call the grave and make our reservations
Why is my wound a front door to you?
Am I my own shadow?
If you can hear this don't assume that I'm talking to you
Yesterday everything I thought, I believed in died
I don't need you, I'll say it to myself
It doesn't mean I won't need somebody
Anyone with half a soul will hear this and they'll never leave me
This time I won't hesitate to kill to protect what I believe in
And I can get by now, I'm not really dead
But I really needed someone to save me
Leaving me alone to die
Is worse than having any guts to kill me
And I'll love you if you let me
My pain's not ashamed to repeat itself
It's not like I made myself a list,
Of new and different ways to murder your heart.
I'm just painting that's still wet,
If you touch me, I'll be smeared
You'll be stained,
Stained for the rest of your life
So turn around, walk away,
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other.
If you're not afraid of getting hurt,
Then I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you.
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself,
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul,
You thought it was a smile.
