Facts about Jeroen
1 - Some kids piss their name in the snow. Jeroen can piss his name into concrete
2 - Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Jeroen can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants
3 - Jeroen counted to infinity - twice
4 - Jeroen once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands
5 - Jeroen's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jeroen
6 - Jeroen can speak braille
7 - Jeroen's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
8 - Jeroen was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds
9 - Jeroen died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him
10 - Jeroen puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter"
11 - Superman owns a pair of Jeroen pajamas
12 - Jeroen can slam revolving doors
13 - Jeroen sleeps with a night light. Not because Jeroen is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Jeroen
14 - Once a cobra bit Jeroen' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died
15 - Jeroen was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
16 - Jeroen does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Jeroen goes killing
17 - Jeroen divides by zero
18 - Jeroen's wris****ch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."
19 - When Jeroen gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live
20 - Jeroen is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Jeroen
21 - Giraffes were created when Jeroen uppercutted a horse
22 - When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Jeroen
23 - Jeroen' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Jeroen will not take crap from anyone
24 - Jeroen has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants
25 - Jeroen is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face
26 - When Jeroen exercises, the machine gets stronger
27 - Jeroen doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
28 - Jeroen can build a snowman out of rain
29 - Jeroen once had a heart attack; his heart lost
30 - Jeroen plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins
31 - Jeroen can kill two stones with one bird
32 - M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Jeroen can touch this
33 - Jeroen once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff
34 - The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Jeroen didn't kill you in your sleep
35 - Jeroen once punched a man in the soul
36 - Jeroen did that to Michael Jackson's face
37 - The chief export of Jeroen is pain
38 - The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Jeroen. This amuses Jeroen because he is bulletproof
39 - Jeroen can tie his shoes with his feet
40 - Jeroen once finished "The Song that Never Ends"
41 - The quickest way to a man's heart is with Jeroen's fist
42 - It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Jeroen can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box
43 - The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Jeroen is
44 - We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Jeroen doesn't believe in magic
45 - Jeroen can drown a fish
46 - When Jeroen enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off
47 - Jeroen can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who Jeroen is
48 - The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Jeroen
49 - The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Jeroen has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears
50 - Jeroen was once the F.B.I's chief negotiator. His job involved calling up criminals and saying, "This is Jeroen."
51 - Jeroen used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him
52 - The only time Jeroen was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake
53 - The last digit of pi is Jeroen. He is the end of all things
54 - On Neil Armstrong's second step on the moon, he found a note that said, "Jeroen was here."
55 - When Jeroen breaks the law, the law doesn't heal
56 - A unicorn once kicked Jeroen. That is why they no longer exist
57 - Bullets dodge Jeroen
58 - Jeroen once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
